A tool to measure whether your romantic relationship is healthy or shows signs of violence.
Think about your current or past relationship. For each situation, answer whether you have experienced it. It is confidential and anonymous.
Already taken by thousands of people
Healthy
Caution
Warning
Danger
24 questions · ~6 min · 100% anonymous
⚠️ This tool is provided for information only. It is in no way a medical, psychological or legal diagnosis and does not replace the advice of a professional.
The Violentomètre (violence meter) was designed and distributed by the Seine-Saint-Denis department in France, together with the Centre Hubertine Auclert, the Paris-region observatory on violence against women. It has since circulated as a printed ruler, handed out in high schools, universities and health centers.
Its value lies in one idea: the behaviors in a relationship sit on a continuum, not in two boxes. Between “everything is fine” and “this is violence”, there is an in-between zone — control, pressure, isolation — where many people find themselves without the words to name it.
What the test covers
The situations concern the romantic relationship: respect for your decisions and tastes, the freedom to see the people close to you, how jealousy is handled, control of your phone and of who you see, financial pressure, insults and blackmail, then physical and sexual violence.
These are facts, not feelings. That is deliberate: the question “is everything okay?” invites an overall answer, often a reassuring one; a list of concrete situations makes you look at things one at a time.
After the test
The result indicates a level; it does not establish anything legally. A single situation that weighs on you is enough reason to talk about it. In France, 3919 is free, anonymous and available 7 days a week: it offers guidance and a listening ear, and asks nothing of you — no complaint, no leaving, no immediate decision. Outside France, call your local emergency number if you are in danger.
The 24 situations reviewed
Each situation is introduced by “In your relationship, does your partner…” The test presents them one by one; here they are in the order they appear.
Respect your decisions, your wishes and your tastes
Trust you
Make sure you agree to everything you do together
Accept your friends and your family
Feel happy about your successes
Make fun of you in public
Act jealous all the time
Control where you go, what you wear, your makeup
Cut you off from your family and friends
Go through your things, your phone
Insult you, yell at you
Put you down, humiliate you regularly
Threaten to retaliate if you leave them
Harass you when you are not together (nonstop calls and texts)
Threaten to share intimate photos of you
Push you, shake you, pull your hair
Slap you
Hit you, punch you or kick you
Injure you with an object
Lock you in, hold you against your will
Force you to have sex
Threaten to kill themselves to keep you
Threaten to kill you
Use a weapon against you
Frequently asked questions
What is the Violentomètre (violence meter)?
The Violentomètre is a self-assessment ruler that places the behaviors in a relationship on a continuum, from a healthy relationship to outright violence. It helps spot the in-between zone — control, pressure, isolation — that is often misjudged.
Is the online Violentomètre free and anonymous?
Yes. The 24 questions run in your browser: no answer is sent, stored or linked to an identity. The result is immediate and disappears when you close the page.
How does the test work?
You answer yes or no to a series of concrete situations. At the end, a colored level sums up all your answers and points you to the matching resources.
Does a reassuring result mean everything is fine?
No. This grid does not cover every form a difficult situation can take. A single situation that weighs on you is enough reason to talk about it with someone you trust or with a professional.
